My mood was significantly subdued today after a late night of intense discussion within myself and aloud with the SO. Not that it was a bad thing, just draining in more ways than one.
Going to reflect upon my attitudes and subsequently influenced behaviors, especially how they are interpreted by others (as well as how it has affected them).
Thursday: I worked from the moment I woke up until when I dragged myself to bed early that night. Lots of various projects to work on for a few different classrooms and I was determined to get them done and out of way. It's yearbook time, there's standardized testing all of next week, and we're in the final stretch for the school year. Tensions are running high.
Friday: I had a rough day and did some of my social media assignment when I got home. Been trucking away at my Project Life 2012 and am well into the autumn season. We ran some errands that day too.
Saturday: The SO and I went out to lunch as an early celebration of our fifth anniversary of dating. It really does not seem like that much time has passed and we were both avoiding talking about how different we had imagined our lives by this point. It's disappointing, but there's not much use in griping about it. We'll continue to figure things out in the real world while daydreaming about our dream lives.
I attended a Project Astro picnic with FMIL across town. It was a few hours long but really fun. It's a partnership program between local teachers and astronomers and there was much fun to be had. We learned a few interesting things that we hope to bring to our school next year and saw some amazing celestial bodies during a one-hour Messier scavenger hunt. Telescopes were set up in the field and the random teams had to find as many objects as possible from different tickets. Nerdy fun is the best kind of fun.
At the very beginning, we found ourselves literally in the middle of a dust devil that tore up one of the tents and carried tons of the informative paper work and flyers at least 50 feet into the air. We saw it coming our way minutes before it hit and I couldn't do much more besides cover the top of my drink and sidestep behind the pavilion column and close my eyes. I just have a light scratch on my hand from some of the debris. We couldn't recover any of the papers, they were probably dropped off into a small rushing river once the dust devil hit the dense desert brush.
Welcome to the desert, where even the air is trying to kill you.
An exaggeration, but you get the idea. Sigh. It was kind of cool if it weren't so much of a bummer to the enthusiastic and kind astronomers present.
Sunday: The SO and I stayed up all night having in depth discussions about the future of humanity, the present state of things around the world, renewable energy, our lives, the crud in our lives, our personal future plans, the human psyche, and so much more.
It was intense, had its ups and downs, but I am ever grateful that we have the right kind of patience and thoughtfulness with each other to have such discussions. I appreciate being in a relationship that challenges me on a mental, physical, and spiritual level. All the other ones too. There are way too many to list, lol.
We're some of the lucky ones.
In other positive news, I'm part way through December 2012 with my Project Life and feel that my next step will be tackling 2010-2011 after. I do not have nearly as much documentation, memorabilia, or photos from those two years, but will do the best I can to get as much recorded as possible. Or at least something recorded. Something is better than nothing! :)
Trying really hard to change my attitude. I have been full of anger for several months now, as continuously recorded in this blog. That's not the person I am or want to be. At least, not anymore. I need to get back to where I was at my highest, so as to continuing growing as a person from there.
Just to share a song that's been stuck in my head, among other ones:
It meant that I would have to further put in writing the awful news we got on Monday. Deep breath and here we go...
Not going to do the daily recap that I've started to do lately. I've spent many more hours awake than originally thought. Working a bit on Project Life but most of my time I've poured into this social media management project.
We learned that one of FMIL's former students had suddenly passed away on Monday night. We had stayed in touch with the family and this little girl was very special to us and everyone she met. Needless to say, we were heartbroken when we heard the news.
I'm still processing everything and while it was to be partially expected- nothing ever prepares you for the moment it comes true. A part of me really cannot believe that she is gone, even if it's to a better place.
Her family was in the midst of a fundraiser to purchase a wheelchair van and her mother wrote about their story on that page that better describes the situation prior to what happened that awful day.
"Hello everyone! My name is Samantha, mother to the fabulous PAIGE! Let me tell you about her! She is, first of all, AMAZING!
Born
with a neuro-muscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) Type
1, Paige has been a brave girl her entire life; diagnosed at the age of
1 month when she stopped breathing, up to the "old lady" she is now at
age 8. When she was first diagnosed I was told that SMA kids do not live
past age 2! She was unable to swallow by age 6 months and received her
g-tube to supplement nutrition. As SMA effects the respiratory system,
at age 8 months Paige received a trach and ventilator to assist her
breathing when she was no longer to do it on her own.
I
know, I know, a lot to put on a little girl who wasn't supposed to be
here right? The hard and terrible thing about this disease is... she's
not effected mentally at all and is actually very bright and advanced
for her age- like most other SMA kids. She
is unable to move or eat at all, but uses an augmentive communication
device that she uses with her eyes to voice her needs and wants- just
like other kids, some of the things out of her mouth just blow me away!
haha!
Paige
has been to the hospital off and on her entire life, but has not (knock
on wood) been hospitalized for over a year now! And seeing as Paige is
having no plans on leaving me, our next obstile is transportation.
Medical appointments, wheelchair adjustments, therapies or just
plain-old-going-out is becoming more and more diffucult. At this time I
have to transport her in a car seat with a homemade adaptive head strap-
NOT the most ideal- but as independent women we need to be able to
travel at will!
As
she has grown into my lovely big girl, I am reaching out to the public
for assistance. I have done a lot of researching and am looking for a
newer handicap accessible van that I can use to transport her for many
years to come. The additional need for safety while traveling has become
more prominent then ever and Paige traveling IN her wheelchair is the
safest option. Even if I modify my van for a lift or purchase a used
wheelchair van the price is about the same- crazy right?
Any
donation is wonderfully generous and much appreciated! Thank you for
taking the time to read about my perfect Paige. Even if you don't
donate, I'm so glad that I could share her story and get the word of
Spinal Muscular Atrophy out there- #1 genetic killer of children under
2.
Thanks again! Samantha and Paige"
She was a phenomenal little girl that I had the honor of knowing with her sassy personality and quick wit.
I loved watching her tease her mom and nurse (and anyone else) with her state-of-the-art eye-gaze talker. She'd be so patient with me as I tried to figure out how she was communicating with me with her eyes and vocalizations.
My heart dropped and ached for her every time we heard that she was in the hospital again. It would always been for weeks with too many close calls.
Her passing was still a surprise, but from what I understand, it was swift. I would hate to think of her suffering with some illness that dragged on. She was always such a fighter. We're all thinking of her dancing the way and keeping an eye out on her mother, unborn baby brother, and rest of her loving family now. We'll be attending services next week. My first in person, let alone for a beautiful child. Nothing else to do but mourn, pray, and love in her honor.
I said that I'd want to talk about some resolutions as per tradition, but I was much more excited about it several hours ago.
The caution and discouragement sets in quickly, eh?
The SO and I continue to have serious conversations about our future together and where we want this year to take us. By take us, I mean what we are working to actively accomplish this year. Either way, it has been quite grounding.
For some mild accountability, I am going to mention a few things that I've thought about for the past few weeks.
I'm going to downsize all of my junk. Namely papers and crafting goods that I've accumulated in the past few years. I've come to focus more on wanting to document my life through scrapbooking because it has yielded the greatest reward as time passes, but it just makes more sense for it to be worked on digitally. The piles are getting bigger and I'm not making the time to sort through it all so it makes sense that I should not possess more than I am willing to work through keeping organized. It adds to making the world a better place environmentally, helps me stick it to our capitalistic natures, and the SO and I enjoy less clutter anyways.
Along those lines, I am determined to document more of life- be it everyday and when we find ways to make creative special memories. I think it will help me remember how many blessings are in my life and appreciate them in the moment versus when I have to sit down at the end of the night and think really hard in order to calm down. Or at least focus on them more than the negative. Hopefully, that will be a great help in getting me into a better mindset again.
Everything is pretty standard but I'm going to do my best to not take on any more projects I cannot reasonably finish in a timely manner (say two weeks?), learning to eat healther and cook more, and actively work towards my dreams of having my own home. Much less griping and spewing anger because it's not helpful to anyone. I will not be blogging daily this year, but it will be at least twice a week minimum. I'm thinking Sundays and Wednesdays. Then, it's whenever the mood strikes. The rest of that documentation energy will go into scrapbooking where I can be much more candid.
Wishing you all many more blessings and the strength to attain your dreams! <3 br="br">
It's finally here. The end of 2012, when the world was supposed to end about half a dozen times. We're battered and weary but still here!
Here is what I had to say and share at the ends of 2010 and 2011.
I wanted to focus on, well, focusing and just doing. Big ole flop due to unforeseen bouts of absolute rage. I have been very blessed by karma and good fortune out of many a rough spot this year too. However, resolutions and whatnot will come tomorrow. Time for the nostalgia!
I commend you for carrying on after this point as it's time for my monthly reviews! These are in no particular order and obviously vary in importance and meaning. Looking back on a lot of this there were time that I didn't document exactly what was going on in my life, but it reminded me of what was happening. It made me much more determined to document the realities with my scrapbooking while I cut back on putting up a sugar-coated front.
January:
I took down my cherry tomatoes, perfected my cake pop- Oreo truffles techniques, and tried to make some resolutions about limited myself to strict time periods (what a laugh). I worried about how to streamline every aspect of my life, was still working for Stampin' Up! for a few more months, and started delving into my family's vacation scrapbook in earnest.
I discovered my blog's issues with Picasa's photo storage that took weeks to sort through and fix, harvested my herbs that were going wild while starting off some new seeds, planned my own Lunar New Year of the Dragon dinner, and did cultural presentations in each of the classrooms.
I also started working on classroom websites and now am the school's webmaster, began a mild obsession with beauty products and YouTube beauty gurus, and I created a system of organizing and keeping receipts this year.
During a brunch with a dear friend, I pulled three Angel Cards to reflect upon for the year: "Exploration" - "Balance" - "Forgiveness". While I kept that in mind for a few weeks, I totally lost track of that later on in the year, and looking back now- It was incredibly relevant and poignant.
February: I was immersed in the BoardMaker program at school making communication schedule booklets for several students, worked my butt off helping out with the annual spaghetti fundraiser, learned about Project Life, vaguely watched the Superbowl while playing Mario Party (as per tradition), and started crocheting food-themed treats and made candy-treats for the staff for the snowy Valentine's Day we had. That was also Arizona's 100th birthday.
While working in the garden, I discovered two types of bug eggs popping up underneath the leaves of my plants, and started planting beans and peas. My best friend, baby brother, and I started getting back into an old favorite game of ours- Maple Story. My brother turned twenty and I flipped out just a little and I became mildly obsessed with RuPaul's Drag Race. Our cat's grass obsession reached an all-time high and there was a leap year.
My family's dog was lost but found and rescued after a week-long of turmoil. She is with a great new family now that loves here very much.
March: I made Simply Adorned inserts for a friend and was super grateful for random acts of kindness at work. There was the anniversary of two years of blogging around which I reorganized the tabs and features, spring had sprung in the garden while the lettuce was ravaged by some critter, and we added strawberries to the mix.
The SO's bike was made road-ready again, we worked on various plumbing and other household repairs, there were tornadoes across the middle of the country, and the NCAA tournament was lackluster when our home team was knocked out of the running very early on. We also splurged on updating some computer parts and I got a graphics tablet.
Seed catalogs rekindled my hope in the garden followed by flowers appearing, we took care of a pesky wisdom toothache, I went to zoo on a field trip with the kids, and I crocheted armies of cupcakes with my best friend when we started the battle of the care packages. April: We were obsessed with Sims3 and some expansions, our kitty's sister got into a fight with a feral cat, the peppers were being eaten from my garden, the herbs flourished, the lettuce was thinned out, started garden vlogging, and celebrated Easter with my sister-in-law with some deviled eggs shaped like baby chicks. I was itching to reorganize my room (amongst other things) andcelebrated four years of dating with the SO at a fifties diner
I started working and volunteering more at school, becoming the guard of the laminator, made a Flat Stanley display about plants and cultivated a front display all about the beloved book character at school, it reached 100 degrees, there was a volunteer breakfast, and we treated ourselves to luxurious haircuts. There was a mini garden haul, an attempt to reseed a few old favorites, and while planning out my trip to Florida and FMIL's birthday celebrations, I was reprioritizing my life yet again.
May: I tried to make my first crochet project from scratch- a hooded kitty scarf, finished up some classes, vlogged a little bit with our kitty, and took FMIL to Kartchner Caverns.
Then, I headed to Florida for the majority of the month during which I took off to Cape Canaveral the next day, then to Tallahassee where I attended the wedding of two friends from childhood, the drama of someone else's family showed up on our doorstep, my brother and I took field trips around our neighborhood, had a reunion ten years in the making with middle school friends, went on a road trip with my brother to visit friends around the central part of the state, and then headed back to Tucson.
June: Switched around my wardrobe, we became obsessed with Diablo 3, reorganized my beauty storage, had a few wolf spider visits, replenished my card stash with newly released color products while planning out this year's Christmas cards in earnest, and we prayed for those affected by the wildfires in New Mexico and the flooding in Florida.
We played a lot of Mario Party, got up to 110 degrees, cat-sat for our sister-in-law while she was away, and nearly blew a gasket over our internet issues.I thought out my collection of earring storage, learned about my one of five love languages, the garden was picked on by quails, realized that pain was a big part of adulthood, started making clothing accessories out of yarn, and helped a friend reorganize her office.
I also kept plugging away at that family scrapbook, FMIL went to visit family, and we Skyped with them. All of us kept the victims of the Colorado wildfires in our thoughts.
July: I began a obsession with crochet oceanic creatures, started playing with my Nintendo DS again, and freaked out when my brother had car issues while my folks away on their first cruise.Our Independence Day was the coldest we've had in a while, we found a snake or two in the yards, I made a file of my friends' favorites, we discovered Twitch TV for online game streaming, and had a fun discussion with my sister-in-law about rock-climbing.
We also found a bunch of bugs inside and ended up taking care of that, harvested peppers as they ripened, became obsessed with Terraria, and the monsoons started. I embarked upon organizing the family recipes here, there was tarantula that kept coming back, and a new classroom fish and kitten were introduced.
Our hearts dropped when we heard about the movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado.
August: The pets were introduced to each other, the garden began to recover with the monsoon rains, our internet issues continued as we said goodbye to one of our new friends, I was obsessed with learning about the Vlogbrothers, and we watched the Mars Science Laboratory rover, Curiosity, land on the red planet.
I started subbing again at school, we got ringworm, the garden began wilting in the heat, was sick during my birthday, digi-scrapped a whole bunch, moderated stream chats, and I was hired on regularly has a consensus aide. That initially led to lots more communication booklets and making a bug observation book for the kids.
The tropical storm Isaac neared Florida and I started to fret a little with the media hype but my friends there reassured me that everything was going to be fine. September: I crocheted owls, finalized plans about our Christmas cards, our kitty caught an upper respiratory infection, realized I was working for free for the time being, the tomatoes and peppers continued to ripening, and I continued stockpiling yarn gifts again.
Skyped more with my closet of friends, reaffirmed my thoughts on marriage, finished up the Florida scrapbook album, reflected upon an end of era with my WoW playing as the new expansion came out, and went on fall break.
I found out thatone of my high school mentors, who inspired my degree, had passed away after battling cancer.
October: We had to get a new fridge, the weather began getting chilly, I finally made the Christmas cards, had my hours doubled at work, reorganized my beauty and nail polish storage, wrote up a story for my Flat Stanley adventures in Florida, and reorganized around the house some more.
I began extensive note-taking inspired by my new obsession of Project Life, updated the garden monthly summaries tab here, and watched tons of shows on Hulu with the SO. There was a field trip to the Sabino Canyon, I gave my teenage self some beauty advice, assembled the Florida album, created a master plan about growing up, carved pumpkins at the last minute, and created a bunch of cards.
The hurricane- super storm Sandy devastated the New England area.
November: I started finding something different I could be grateful about for each day of this month, started walking home as part ofmy bigger plan to grow as a person, harvested the last of the major bits of peppers and fruits from the garden, went to a fun baby shower, became determined to document more of life, largely failed at my walk home, and majorly bonded with our kitty.
I found some of the joys of using Evernote, began to receive and send packages, worked earnestly to control my temper, lined up a ton of creative consulting jobs that nearly all fell apart, reviewed a bunch of beauty products from throughout the year, wrote the Christmas cards, and went to two Thanksgiving dinners- one of which was vegetarian.
The garden was prepped for winter weather, started up some new seeds indoors, and obsessed over dancing musical Christmas light videos online. Walking home got easier with a simplified route that came with long phone conversations with my brother and mother, and thought extensively about what I wanted to do in the new year when I got my new planner.
December: I got sick moreoften (it happened to coincide with when the students would get ill, imagine that), began to winterize the evaporative cooler on my own, finalized the cards and wrapped up the gifts as they arrive, and commenced cooking new recipes again.
I went to the bi-annual street fair, began getting gifts early on, the SO and I began planning out home renovations in the next coming months, made cake pops for the staff, went to the staff holiday party, and learned about a family illness and the appointments, fretting, and treatments that go along with that.
There was a terrible shooting in Newtown, Connecticut at Sandy Hook Elementary that rocked the nation and the world.
There was much baking of holiday treats, was sick for much of my vacation, watched many YouTubers participate it in Vlogmas, played many hours of Dokapon Kingdom and Super Mario Galaxy with the SO, spent Christmas with the in-laws, the SO and I went on a road trip to meet up with a friend, and wrapped up the year by reflecting upon the past twelve months.
