Saturday, July 7


Bit emotionally drained right now.

I got a call early this morning from my baby brother and he left a voicemail saying that he was having car troubles.

Not great news, but when you compound the fact that he lives across the entire country, my folks are on their first cruise right now, and his only friend that lives nearby just left the day before to visit relatives in New England... then you start to worry a little more.

Then add in the fact that you can't reach him on his cell phone or the house line for hours to check in on him.

It's no secret that I'm a worrywart, right?

I know that if anything bad had happened, I would probably be on the list of people called about it. I just felt extra helpless being so far away and not know what was going on. Even if I could be informed of current events, there wouldn't be much more I could do about it besides maybe call authorities or one of my friends who still live in my hometown to go and help.


I tried to stay reasonable but I was stressed out and on the verge of tears by the third hour of trying to get a hold of him for details or an update. I was with the SO during a lot of that time and he's pretty level-headed yet supportive so I could not have been more grateful for that.

I finally got a hold of him after leaving messages online and voicemails. Turns out everything was fine, it just sucked to be in that position, and he didn't know who else to call to talk about it besides his big sister- which tears at my heartstrings, by the way.  He had access to my dad's car and was able to take it to run his errands. It's most likely a dead car battery so he'll try jump-starting it soon. Luckily, my folks are arriving at the port tomorrow morning and he'll be able to pick them up using Dad's car too.

For the past few hours, he's been taking out his frustration by giving both cars a thorough car wash by hand and tending to my folks' menagerie of animals. Not realizing how much I was worrying over here, but I didn't let him know how much either because that just makes him feel extra guilty.

We had an invitation to dinner at his dad's house tonight and I had made the decision to excuse myself because I figured I would not be very good company regardless of the rest of the today's happenings. Leave it to me to break into tears in a panic if my burger wasn't grilled just right or some nonsense like that. Luckily, it was rescheduled for tomorrow, so I'll probably feel much better by then.

I just... this whole situation made me feel really upset and almost angry about being so far away. I know even while there I wouldn't have been much physical help but part of me feels like I could have done more if I was there. Just feeling increasingly bitter about where I am in life right now and it's almost a resentful type of homesickness. I know if I lived back in Florida I would love being able to see my friends more, but I would still be pretty miserable in a different way. A case of picking your poison and I'm dealing with the bigger side effects right now.

Currently eating all of my many strong emotions right now in cheesy, warm, and fried foods. Sigh.

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