The conclusion is that I'm probably full of frustration from not being able to find my own time and space to just do something for me. Even though I've been writing about all the plans of projects I've had for myself, I've been stuck with helping others. Yes, I did offer a lot of those services, but the few times I'm not- I've still ended up doing so.
I could probably use a bit of a vacation but we'll see. Pay day and a party this Friday but I'm stressed with money and can't think of what I could do for gifts. I'm sure that plays into it too. I'm just all gummed up with resentment and stress- that's all. Will get over it soon, I'm sure. :)
I haven't given enough thought to the fact that the latest expansion pack (Mists of Pandaria) for a game I've played for roughly six years (World of Warcraft) just came out/ went live today. For the past three expansions, I've pre-ordered and went to midnight release parties with either my best friend or my significant other. This year/ time, I didn't.
It's been such a big part of my formative/ young adult life that I feel that it's finally an end of an era. However, it's not a piece that faded with time. No. Not exactly. Something in me has been starved to death.
I've forged so many deep and meaningful friendships through this venue that will last my lifetime. Countless hours have been spent logged into that game and chatting "offline" with those people after dozens of hours. I've even met a handful in real life. That is how real this massive-multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) is to me. I've experience nearly every emotion and many crucial life-changing events while logged on.
Time has keep turning, younger kids grew older, moved away, and moved on with their lives without this. Too soon and suddenly, it felt as if I was talking to an empty room. I have been a bit lost without it, but I swallowed my pride and let the game lay dormant while I struggled to take care of my "real" life responsibilities. I still can't bring myself to completely let go. Some voice inside of me says, "Maybe I'll play regularly again some day."
I suppose I'm mourning the death of that part of my life. I still can't say that I've quit for good. Something that meaningful and rich in its own culture (at one point boasting 11 million players worldwide) let alone in the culture of my life can't be easily relinquished.
Maybe that's what's been bugging me in the back of my mind and putting my worn patience over the edge today.
It just doesn't make sense for me to delve in when most of my friends have moved on and I cannot afford such a luxury right now. I suppose that means I'm also mourning the loss of the time in my life that I didn't have to worry about much more than caring for and helping my friends.
Now, add that to how lonely I often feel these past few years subsequently.
I really need to sort out some new priorities or something.
I heard the new scenery is beautiful on the continent of Pandaria...