Better

Day 15: I am grateful when plans come together despite the odds. This is especially helpful with the holiday season kicking off in full swing!

The surprise birthday dinner went quite well, all things considered. I'm glad we took that project on and it got done. I think turning on my hostess-mode that has been ingrained into me since before birth helped keep me... even.

Let's backtrack to the start of the day. The first dozen words out of my mouth (which are usually not uttered until nearly an hour later once I've woken up some more and we're already starting work at school, were all very angry and frustrated complaints and commands. It's really not what I want to deal with every waking moment and yet I find myself in that position more often than not. 

So, after that business was taken care of, at least for the time being, I kept chanting to myself "Have a better attitude & Have a better day." It goes along with my disatisfaction with my life and myself. I'm borderline bullying nowadays and I don't like it. So, I was trying to pray for some extra patience today to make up for the amount that I've been sorely lacking the past few weeks/months.

If I really want to make this holiday as stress-free as possible, I need to cut the crap that I've been doing out. It's seeping into the few people I do care about and that's incredibly unfair for them to feel cranky because I'm so overly cranky that I poured it all over them. No good reason for all of us to drown because I've been exuding negativity.

The chanting helped and today was a little better. I was even a little giddy by the end of the work day. Then we rushed home to buy and prepare everything for the party and start hashing out details for the upcoming crazy holiday season, while anxiously awaiting the flag to go. Lots of stumbling, but it happened, there was happiness, and that's all that matters in the end. Plus, there were people involved who were quite green about the art of hosting & planning and I think they may have learned something today. ... I pray that they have learned a few things...

Just let it go, me. Let it go.

Tomorrow is an all-day event in all of the classes tomorrow. We had to cram our usual Friday business of test-taking in today. That was a joy... It should be interesting