Sunday, November 4

Looking Back

Today, FMIL and I went to a baby shower for one of our coworkers. It was very sweet and casual. So much fun to be able to dress up in seasonal clothing (even though it's too warm to layer up, I still didn't care) and see the ladies let loose.

We were a part of giving the mother-to-be the gift of Project Life. When I heard about the shower, I instantly thought of getting an album for her to document her two boys. We ended up agreeing to get the Cobalt core kit and binder with the mixture of pocket pages for horizontal and vertical pictures. Plus, there were two baby blankets that FMIL had crocheted, a corner rounding punch, and archival safe pens.

She loved the idea (I had found out that she was unable to get very far on her first baby's album) but was still a bit intimidated, so we're gonna get a few ladies together one weekend and tackle it together. I cannot friggin' wait! I wanted to help with that so badly, but don't want to force my services on anyone, lol.

It made me even more excited to start using it myself, but I'm not going to delve much into how tight money is right now or I'll start panicking again. :( Came home and started looking for old planners and memorabilia that I have saved with every intention of creating a follow-up scrapbook to the SO and my first year together. Well, that would have been the year of 2009 aaaand yeah. No such album exists. I started saving pictures in a folder, some odds'n'ends, and even found an album to use.

The last time I was super hyped up on the idea of Project Life a few weeks ago, I went through my saved photos and roughly starting tossing copies of pictures I'd like to print out into new folders. That got done in one night. Tonight, I wanted to write out a better timeline to fill in the spaces that didn't have coordinating pictures. That and start having a spot to throw physical mementos that I would want to add to the album, just like how I had tried to do with the original scrapbook.

I just finished writing out my notes for 2009 and I am so disappointed in myself. I stopped writing in my planner, I wasn't blogging then, and I had barely posted much on Facebook. Too busy playing games and texting furiously. For about half of the calendar year I have little to nothing to remember everything that had gone on. My last apartment of college in Florida, my first apartment here in Arizona, getting to know the SO's family over the various holidays, finding work and getting to know the area. A handful of pictures and nothing about everyday life.

I'm the type of person who needs to see (and ideally feel) mementos in order to remember. My brain can't just think back and pull that information out- it's gone and my heart aches to go back in time and record it somehow. It was a huge life-altering time and I can barely remember it. I refuse to let that happen again.

I am realizing that I haven't taken as many photos as I should have this year because of how stagnate and low our lives have become. As much as it hurts to push through this time in our lives, I want to remember it all. I need to make myself take pictures and to start collecting memories again. Even the mundane because it is a part of who I am and what we are. Who knows when it could all be gone?

I am super grateful for the pictures and notes I do have. Eternally. I need to have more. Life still has so much in store and I need to get into the habit now so when the time comes to build our first home together and our family, it'll be second nature to record our precious lives.

I'm trying to look on the bright side but I am just so sad right now. What was I thinking? That was such an intensely emotional time with such highs and lows for the two of us. We spend tons of time together and I barely have photos of us. Not that I need proof but in a few years, I will want those moments captured somehow- to remember. Ugh, I'm making myself sick to my stomach.

Day 4: I am grateful for having a sweet little furry boy. We love his unique and distinct personality whenever he's super sweet or being a bit of a spoiled prince begging for fresh homegrown pet grass. He's kept our spirits up on during the lowest of times and I'm grateful for every moment we have with him.

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