The First Step

I need a whole lot of clarity right now. My judgement is very congested and while I don't know all of the factors that are playing into that, that's not my main concern. I need to get over this mental roadblock asap before I do something I'll regret and be too prideful to fix.

I channeled that energy today by creating a playlist of recent favorites and house dance remixes, sticking in my iPod, and rocking out in the garden. I didn't get as dance-y as I would have liked to or have felt the desire to lately, but it's a step in the right direction. I hope. I guess bringing myself to the point of exhaustion, getting many pent up emotions out, and being productive will bring some sort of epiphany.

I don't want to be at any sort of crossroads right now. I need reaffirmation that I'm on the right path. Anything otherwise is too scary of a prospect to consider at the moment and fills my heart with dread. I'm praying that I'm just having a moment of weakness from frustration and lack of patience.

Either way, something like pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into the garden should bring me peace on some level, right?

I weeded, tilled the soil, and clipped off branches that have died during the winter. Then, I found tiny creepy green eggs underneath the few leaves that my Bird Eye chillies have left. AHHH! Aijw 09q3tu gjeagh 03g0ghe0g9hae09gha3g943ga. Roar. Sigh. There were too many to just keep brushing off. So FMIL helped me by finding donating a spray bottle for me to fill with dish-soapy water so I could thoroughly spray the undersides of the leaves on all of my plants. I have hesitated to do this in past because I thought soap in the dirt would be be bad, but it turns out that phosphates are commonly found in dish soap and that stuff is great for plants. I really hope this works.

Due to some research I did about it, I now recognize a lot more signs of pests and lack of nutrition. So, I guess that's the silver lining. I also removed all of the herbs that have thrived in my planter and put them into their own pots so they can quit encroaching on one another. I'll think about trying to replant (yet again) the ones that have not survived. The pots with plants in them (plus the ones that will have tomatoes in them as of tomorrow) have been rearranged in the garden area too.

Tomorrow, I'll plug myself in, dance around with a shovel and dirt-covered gloves, feed the existing plants, plant new seeds, and water the whole she-bang.

More good news is that I'm caught-up, pictorially, to my birthday (August) of last year. That went by a lot faster than I thought it would. I did find some pictures missing. Realized how redundant some photos are when I'm out of the moment, so that provided a perfect excuse for cutting back. I have all of my photos backed up on my external hard drive and could have uploaded them again, but eh. So seven more months of posts left to double check picture links. Huzzah!

Alright, time to relax after a nice warm shower to gear up for another day of grime tomorrow!