094. Hearfelt

I am all for having heart to heart talks. They can be about something so profound as the purpose of your life or leave you feeling so profound even if it was about nothing but had with the right person. Sometimes they leave you feeling like the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulders when you weren't even aware that you were carrying that burden. Other times, they leave you with more questions than you started out asking. Either way, it's always a step in the right direction, even if it doesn't go exactly the way you had hoped for. That leads to the philosophy of Hope for the best- Expect the worst.

That is rule that I need to be more proactive about applying. There are a ton of things I need to be assertive about. I have let myself become caught up in thinking that just because I started some wheels turning, that it suddenly allows me to be complacent with every other aspect of my life. Yes, finding a wheel and starting it up on my own is a huge step in the right direction for me, but that does not earn me the right to sit back and be a pleased as punch about it. No, I've come too far to let that satisfy me. This is more of a pep talk to myself, but I'm sure you can relate in your own way because it's the human condition to want more. Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, right? I want to reach the peak of self-actualization in my lifetime. I need to stop being safe and somewhat satisfied with the middle ground of wanting to be accepted and included. I need to master feeling confident and loving myself even after I put myself on the line or out on a limb for others. I see people everyday who can do that exceptionally well and to them, that balance is normal. I want to do that. I can do that.

I have great people around me that genuinely care about me. I need to take the faith that they have in me and put it towards producing something that is really worth those honors. And I need to maintain it there. I am not seeking invincibility or perfection, but excellence. I can no longer accept moments of courage, kindness, patience, or clarity. They must be a constant state of existence and I should accept and expect no less of myself. No more of this setting the bar abysmally low so that doing nothing is still passing. I am better than that. I have more potential than that and it's time to unleash it. To set it free and embrace it. No more should I drown in my own doubts or strive to be my own worst critic. I should be one of my top cheerleaders.

I see it, I want it, I shall have it. No matter what it takes and how hard the journey will be. Even if my life is cut drastically short, I will die knowing that I was on my way to achieving and living as the best possible me. I've have had more than enough time to grow comfortable with the strides that I have made, it's past time to stop being comfortable and relish the moments and opportunities around me. I shall continue my mission to take nothing for granted, to show my infinite gratitude in words and actions, and to never forget where I came from. The best way I can honor memories is to better myself and pay it forward. I will make everyone who has been a positive influence in my life, prouder than ever. This is my promise to them and myself.

I hope you can make a similar promise to yourself and/or (a) loved one(s). There is always a way to  break away from just going through life/ the monotony/ the hopelessness/ the ignorance. Always has and always will be. Until tomorrow and the next step, <3